Wednesday, January 28, 2015

preparing to meet our angel baby

I realized last week that I might not have much time to make something handmade for our baby. Maybe it was mother's intuition, but I just had a feeling that we would be saying goodbye a lot sooner than our June due date. Then, at our check-up today, the doctor was unable to find a heartbeat with the doppler and confirmed with ultrasound that our little boy has passed away. We knew that this could happen any time, but we both feel so shocked and devastated. Now I'm just trying to distract myself from thinking about the process of inducing labor later this week because I'm completely terrified.

I just couldn’t bear the thought of our little boy coming into and leaving this world without something handmade by his mommy, so I started knitting this blanket Friday evening after work and knit frantically all weekend while my in-laws were visiting. Every second I was so afraid that I'd go into labor and not be able to complete the blanket. I finished knitting Sunday night, and by Monday I had it washed, dried, and folded. (Project details on my Ravelry page.)

cozy birdhouse | baby blanket

cozy birdhouse | baby blanket

It helps me to be DOING something. It's either part of my grieving process or it's how I'm avoiding grieving. The urge to "nest" doesn't go away, even though we're not preparing a nursery. I bought a pretty box to hold the mementos, cards, and a few baby items we've collected. Notes and emails from family and friends continue to arrive, and I have loved reading every single one. I came home to a bright bouquet of tulips and irises on Friday (sent by my friends Courtney, Melinda, and Erin) and a beautiful vase of white roses on Tuesday (from our friends CJ and Catherine). We really couldn't get through this without our amazing family and friends who have been so supportive even though they're grieving also.

cozy birdhouse | tulips & irises

cozy birdhouse | white roses

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